by Bonnie Collings

"When you find that you're at a venue before the venue even opens, because you've got to play a particular machine, you know you've got a problem, and I had a major problem," said former pokies addict Ann.

Ann, not her real name, shared her story as part of Gambling Harm Awareness Week, encouraging people struggling with a gambling addiction to speak up and ask for help.
When Ann's marriage broke down, she struggled to cope with the loneliness she found herself surrounded by.
"It took me a while to get used to being by myself, there were periods of extreme loneliness.
"I moved to (West Gippsland) from Melbourne, thinking I needed a change. Then I had these periods where I was on my own, not with my family, my children, so I started going to these venues."
Ann said going to the pokies gave her a reprieve from the loneliness.
"I could be amongst people but still be by myself," she said. "I didn't have to share anything with anyone who was sitting around me, and that's probably why I liked it."
Before becoming addicted, Ann said she'd been to the pokies in a social setting, but always walked out the door.
"I might have gone out to dinner and someone said let's put $10 in the machine and we'd done that, then I walked out the door.
Ann's addiction began slowly, eventually snowballing into something that took over her life.
"It was nothing major to start with, but then all of a sudden you find yourself in a situation where you're going more frequently. I don't know if it's because you might win something big – and I don't know if I won anything huge – but it's enough to think, oh I'm going to have a bit of fun with this."
Before her addiction got really bad, she was working with a therapeutic counsellor at Latrobe Community Health Service, discussing relationships and how they impacted actions.
"That helped for a while, but I'm dreaming of these machines. I can see them in my sleep, I can hear them in my sleep. It totally takes over."
As her addiction worsened, Ann turned to her credit cards as another source of cash.
"Over the years I had a credit card that I had hardly ever used, but every year they'd (ask) do you want to up the credit, and I'd say sure.
"So, I had this card that had a lot of credit on it, thousands of dollars. As my addiction got worse, I was using this card for cash."
Ann said her addiction affected "everything" in her daily life.
"It became a juggling act. It affected which bills I paid, the shopping I did. I did things like stop my health insurance for three months because I couldn't afford to pay it."
At the height of her addiction, Ann described herself as "manic", feeding the machines for hours.
"While I was in the throes of it, nothing else existed. I could be at the venue before it even opened, and I could be there for hours.
"You can be sitting at a machine and be manic because you're just feeding it, you're not winning but you're putting more and more in. Then when it's all over, you're left with the shame. You're thinking, 'what have I done?'"
Ann said certain features of pokies venues made it harder for her to walk away, and easier for her to access money.
"These venues are geared to keep you there, they play the music, offer you food, have raffles going. There are machines at the venue where you can take out $500 in 24 hours, and when that's run out, you hop in your car and you go to the bank. I wasn't the only one at the bank quite often I'd see the same faces."
When her family learnt about her addiction, Ann felt judgement and stigma.
"I was made to feel a bit like a leper. No one really understood that you really have no control when it's happening to you."
The turning point for Ann was when she began to feel there was no way out of her financial troubles.
"All of a sudden I (had) this credit card with a huge amount of money I owed, the money that I'm getting in from my pension is going in the machines and my other credit card was maxed to the hilt.
"I said to my counsellor that I thought I needed to see a financial counsellor because I couldn't see my way out of it. I've always paid my bills but looking at it, I didn't have enough money coming in to be able to deal with any of it."
When she finally asked for help, Ann said her life changed overnight.
"I was so appreciative that people were there to help me because I was really at a point where I was thinking 'you'd be better off dead.' That's horrible, but I really did feel that way for a while."
Ann has been in recovery for eight months and said she was starting to feel happy again.
"This service saved my life.
"I feel really good because I no longer have any credit cards at all, I don't have any debt. I'm happy now, I wasn't happy before because I couldn't see light at the end of the tunnel."
"I was fortunate that I had good people that helped me. I consider myself to be an intelligent person, but I tell you, I wasn't (when I was) on this journey."
Ann banned herself from local pokies venues, a commitment she is proud to keep.
To combat her loneliness, Ann now has healthy outlets for social connection.
"I started to do some bowling, I took up sewing," she said. "I go fishing, see my grandchildren, catch up with my girlfriends and go out for coffee."
A proud moment for Ann was being able to walk through the doors of a pokies venue, just to have lunch with her friends.
"My girlfriends invited me to a lunch at one of these venues and I was worried about how I was going to cope even going through the door to have food," she said. "My concern was I'd hear those machines, and it'll set me off again. But it didn't bother me, and that really made me feel good."
Ann hoped her story would inspire others to seek help.
"You've got to ask for help, put your hand up, because there are people who will help."
"It's so easy to get to that point where you owe so much money, and it's so easy to think it's not worth it anymore.
"Don't go in, please seek help. Stop at the door, because once you're addicted, it doesn't start off as just a few odd dollars, it takes over everything," she said.
If you are affected by gambling, or the gambling of someone you know, call Latrobe Community Health Service on 1800 242 696 during business hours.
LCHS provides a free and confidential financial and/or therapeutic counselling to help get finances back on track or strategies to take control of your gambling.
For free 24/7 help: Gambler's Helpline 1800 858 858; chat and email support also is offered at gamblinghelponline.org.au.