by Emma Ballingall

With tears in her eyes but a passion to inspire others, a domestic violence survivor has shared her story of fleeing interstate to freedom.

Ultimately, it was the need to protect her three-week-old child, which pushed Stacey to leave, first moving out and then interstate.
Stacey's story will feature at the "Shining a Light" forum at Warragul Anglican Church this Friday.
Her message to other women is "know they are worth more".
"That his words are not the words they should be listening to. There is support out there. You need to build these women back up because they have been destroyed."
Stacey is resolute about sharing her 16-year survival journey. And, by speaking out, she hopes it may inspire or help other women to find the courage to leave.
Abused as a child, the early stages of her abusive relationship offered no warning signs of what was to come.
"I think it's because one of the first stages is they make you feel like a queen.
"It's what pulls you in and you literally feel like you are the one and only for this person."
Looking back, Stacey said he isolated her, moving them more than an hour from her family and friends. The reasoning behind the move was his job.
"We were in this relationship and, all of a sudden, it's small things.
"I became this shell of a person. It was in every aspect of my being that he attacked me."
Told she couldn't cook, was useless at tasks and horrendously ugly, Stacey remembers feeling blessed to have this man because she was unworthy.
Although working full-time, she was being controlled, with rules placed on who she could see and when.
Stacey recalls the specific event which led to his first act of physical violence.
After trying really hard to prepare a meal, she says "he just threw it in my face."
"And I remember feeling you just need to try harder. You are worthless, try harder or he will leave you."
When she tried to stand up for herself, he - as a bigger man - would grab her by the neck, push her against a wall and glare at her.
After about six months of abuse, Stacey learnt to wear skivvies to cover the bruising on her neck. It was around this time that he pushed her down for the first time.
The turning point came when her first child John was born.
Unable to breastfeed or settle him, Stacey was holding and trying to comfort him. She was blamed for his discomfort but now knows the inability to breastfeed was caused by stress.
"He grabbed me by my throat with John in my arms and I knew I had to get out."
Stacey left immediately, moving in with her dad. She was able to access support and move into a small apartment. Importantly, she was safe - until he found out where she lived.
Having to drop off John for visits, Stacey recalls "that was when I copped the beatings."
When a neighbour reported the abuse, she was able to gain a violence restraining order (VRO). However, the order only prevented him breaking into her home, and couldn't halt his stalking.
He would sit in his car across the road from her home, follow her to work and slash her tyres if he didn't want her to go out, she says.
"I felt unsafe all of the time. It got worse when I met a new man."
When her new partner - now husband - suggested a move to Victoria, she packed her bags, house and quickly fled.
John, who was only 18-months-old at the time, came with them.
She praised the neighbour, midwives and the church who helped her break free.
Noticing signs of abuse, Stacey says she was referred to a women's domestic violence support group instead of mother's group at a prenatal visit.
"That helped me realise that I wasn't alone. That helped me talk to other women.
"You actually really do think you're the only stupid idiot who has fallen for it. Why did I let that man do that to me?"
Of the 20 women in the group, she says only three didn't go back.
"It's something in our society that's allowing men to think they can do this to women, to lead us into this space."
Stacey says the church offered a safe space, confidence to leave and support. And, she is grateful to God, who led her to her now husband - described as "the best dad and best example" - who allowed her to break the cycle of family violence for herself and John.
With a young child, Stacey found it easy to integrate into her new state.
She joined a Baptist church and playgroup, later moving to West Gippsland.
Her message for friends and family of women suspected to be suffering domestic violence is to love and support them whilst showing they are there if they need.
"You need to build these women back up because they have been destroyed."
"I think, as a community, we need to get around these women.
"Remind them who they are. Tell them they are amazing, they are strong and they can do this. They are not hearing it at home.
"They need to know they are - and can be - strong enough to leave."
"But don't push them, it needs to be in their time."
Stacey says one way is to make a room at your house and physically show it to them. Make it known it is theirs, if they need.
She says local churches may also have women who offer rooms for women and children needing safety.
Domestic and gender-based violence forum "Shining a Light" will be hosted by the Warragul Anglican Mothers' Union at Warragul Anglican Church at 7pm.
In addition to Stacey's message, attendees will hear from Orange Door, Warragul Regional College chaplain and a former police officer and Berry Street worker.
If you or someone you know needs support, help is available.
If you are in danger now, call 000. Services who offer 24-hour support include Safe Steps on 1800 015 188, 1800 RESPECT on 1800 737 732, Kids Helpline on 1800 551 800 or MensLine Australia on 1300 789 978.